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Dateline April 2, 2008.

Divers around the world were scratching their heads then laughing out loud after reading this prank newsletter sent out by Dive Source Scuba on April 1, 2008.

Responses varied from "Your not fooling me" to "OH MY GOD - where is the Mason Dixon line and do we need to learn to ice dive?"

Letter writer and prankster BP said of his efforts. "I consider Dive Source customers as friends and part of a community so if I got them to smile then I did a good job!"

Read and enjoy...

AMAZING SCUBA DIVING NEWS
APRIL 1 2008 Issue No. 08

Dear Scuba Enthusiast,

Each year the editors of "AMAZING DIVE NEWS" like to keep you in touch with the latest developments in the scuba world. Sit back and enjoy these truly amazing and interesting bits of information from around the Dive World.

Sincerely - Your Dive Buddies at Amazing Dive News

Diving Technology
SCUBA GEAR IS   OBSOLETE:  MEET SPITNIK !

Shocking new Underwater Filter invented at Baikonur Cosmodrome

Cosmonaut Scuba

Russian Scientists working  on a new air cleaning  system for the international space station stumbled across a way to dive underwater virtually equipment free and to nearly any depth.
 
By adapting the new space station filters into a standard scuba mouthpiece and plumbing pipe, divers were able to breath air directly from the water they were diving in at depths reported to be in excess of 100 Meters.

Test subjects from the elite Russian Navy Dive Team were put through prolonged trials and found they were able to stay underwater for nearly 12 hours per charge with no ill effects or even decompression thanks to the filters amazing capabilities and duration.

Not only did it harvest oxygen from the water and scrub CO2 from the diver's exhaled breath, but nitrogen narcosis was non existent and nitrogen loading of the diver's tissue compartments were actually LESS than people on shore!

Spetsnaz Divers

(Spetsnaz Dive team shown testing the new Spitnik - breathing device)

Even more stunning is the report that the cartridges can actually be made at home from common household chemicals and kitty litter (Recipes have already leaked out on the Internet.)

Good bye heavy and expensive scuba gear -

Hello to the SPITNIK!

Счастливый Апрель Околпачивает День

Science & Nature
Shark Fin Soup  Found to Cause Serious Illness

Sharks Get Revenge...

Sharkfin soup

The last laugh may still go to the sharks...

Chinese scientists working on more ways to exploit ocean creatures were stunned to find that Sharkfin Soup actually causes long term health problems.

Test subjects who had ate sharkfin soup were found to have a rare form of Intestinal disease called Id tibi praebet speciem lepidissimam.

Chinese Government officials were quick to dismiss the study and have imprisoned the scientists responsible.

In a terse statement they  blamed the Dalai Lama for the "embarrassment" and that it was just another plot hatched by Tibetan separatists trying to cause troubles for the upcoming Beijing Olympics.
 
Zebra Mussels are Active ingrediant in The Blue Pill

BIG results in small package

Let's Go UP

A leaked internal document is rocking the drug industry and Scuba divers.

Reports state the active ingrediant in the world famous blue medicine is nothing more than dehydrated and ground up zebra mussels that the company has been secretly harvesting from Great Lakes Shipwrecks.

Zebra Mussels
While many were suprised, apparently this is nothing new to the DIR dive crowd who have made a practice of  eating the mussels during their dive excursions and claim that they "feel pumped up and more in touch with their dive team members - But don't tell all those strokes out there or they will just copy us"
Dive Training
Ice Diving Certification now Mandatory for ALL Northern Divers.

Landmark Co-Operation between training agencies.

Ice Dive

With spring endlessly delayed and record winter snow falls in Canada and the Northern US, an emergency all party conference was recently held in Seacaucus, New Jersey between all the major scuba training agencies of the world.

In a joint statement  announced today it was made clear that ALL  Canadian and American divers north of the Mason Dixon line MUST now be Ice Diving Certified.

While many divers were surprised by this move the official response was quite firm.

Board Chairman -  Jorge Olithabal  Kieva Elcano stated Quote: " I always thought that was all they did up there anyway. I was quite surprised to discover that we haven't made the ice diving certification part of the Open Water program.

That of course changes today and all of us gathered here will be incorporating ice dive training for the gringos up north "

For more information on what areas fall under the cold water plan -  divers are advised to contact their local dive shop immediately and stop all diving activities until this training is completed.

New C-Cards with the "Icicle Logo" are being printed as training is completed and it shouldn't take more than 3-4 years to get everyone up in the "Great White North" back into the water.
 
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